The Power of Resilience: Why "Safe Spaces" May Not Be the Answer

In today’s world, “safe spaces” have become a buzzword, often used to describe environments where people can be shielded from discomfort, disagreement, or anything that might challenge their worldview. The idea is appealing: a place where people can take refuge from the chaos of life and the weight of their trauma. But what if we’re going about it all wrong? What if, in our attempt to protect, we’re actually weakening ourselves?

Here’s the thing: life is full of bumps, bruises, and triggers. It’s like trying to avoid stepping in puddles during a rainstorm—you’re going to get wet, sooner or later. The idea that we can create a perfectly safe environment where nothing unpleasant or uncomfortable happens is, frankly, a bit of a fairy tale. And while fairy tales have their place, they don’t do much for building resilience.

So, what if we shifted our focus from “safe spaces” to supportive spaces for resilience? Instead of crafting an environment that shields people from everything, why not create one that supports them as they grow stronger through life’s challenges? That way, when those triggers pop up (and they will), we can face them with the confidence and resilience we’ve built, rather than running for cover.

The Problem With Safe Spaces

First, let’s talk about safe spaces. They sound great, right? A refuge where no one is ever offended, challenged, or made uncomfortable. But in reality, trying to create a space where everyone’s feelings are protected from the harshness of life is like trying to walk on air—great idea, but ultimately unfeasible.

Here’s why:

1. Triggers Are Everywhere: Life is messy, unpredictable, and full of things that might trigger us. The more we try to avoid discomfort, the more we set ourselves up for failure when we’re inevitably faced with something that isn’t “safe.” Life doesn’t come with a warning label.

2. Avoidance Isn’t Growth: It’s hard to grow if you never have to stretch or push through difficult situations. Avoiding challenges and hard conversations may feel comforting in the moment, but it won’t build the emotional strength needed to face life’s real difficulties.

3. Overprotection Makes Us Fragile: Shielding ourselves from the world too much can make us fragile. When we’re constantly protected from discomfort, we lose the ability to cope with stress and adversity. We might become anxious about things that shouldn’t even faze us.

Resilience Is the Key

Instead of trying to build a “safe space,” we should be focused on building a supportive space for resilience—a place where we can be real about the difficulties we’ve faced and acknowledge the challenges we still face, but where we’re also encouraged to face them head-on.

Resilience is like the emotional equivalent of a muscle: the more we exercise it, the stronger it gets. And just like lifting weights, it’s not always fun. But that muscle-building pain is what gets us stronger. A supportive space for resilience doesn’t mean we ignore trauma—it means we give people the strength to handle it.

Think of it this way: imagine life as a game of dodgeball. Safe spaces are like trying to play while wearing a giant bubble suit—sure, you’re protected, but you’re not really participating. A space focused on resilience, on the other hand, helps you throw your best shot, duck when you need to, and maybe take a hit or two along the way. But in the end, you’re stronger and better equipped for the next round.

Trauma Doesn’t Define You

Here’s another important shift in thinking: trauma is part of your story, but it doesn’t have to define you. Life is full of difficulties, challenges, and moments of hardship. But these don’t have to be the things that shape who you are forever.

The Stoic philosophers—those ancient thinkers who had a thing or two to say about adversity—believed that we can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we respond. In the words of Marcus Aurelius:

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

In other words, the tough stuff you go through doesn’t have to hold you back—it can become the very thing that propels you forward. Trauma is a part of your life, yes, but it doesn’t own it. The way you respond to it, how you choose to rise from it, is what truly defines you.

And there’s a deeper layer to this, too. For those of us who believe in a higher power, the idea that we have the ability to act, rather than be acted upon, is fundamental. As we read in the scriptures, God has given us the ability to choose, to respond with resilience, and to rise above the challenges we face. We aren’t just passive recipients of life’s hardships; we are active participants in how we face and overcome them. This ability to act is a gift—one that strengthens us and gives us power, even in the most difficult circumstances.

Building a Resilient Space

Creating a supportive space for resilience doesn’t mean ignoring trauma or pretending everything is fine. It means acknowledging the difficulties people face, offering empathy, and helping them develop the tools they need to face life’s challenges head-on.

A space for resilience encourages:

• Open conversation: No topic is off-limits. Let’s talk about the tough stuff and face it together.
• Empathy, not avoidance: We support each other through hardship, without sugarcoating or avoiding the hard truths.
• Growth through discomfort: It’s okay to be uncomfortable sometimes. It’s part of growing.
• Strength in adversity: Life isn’t about avoiding challenges—it’s about learning how to handle them with grace and resilience.

Instead of creating a world where we avoid hard things, let’s build one where we face them, with courage and a strong support system to lean on. After all, life is messy, unpredictable, and full of challenges—but with the right mindset and the right community, we can face anything that comes our way.

So, no more safe spaces—let’s make room for resilience, and remember, we are acting with purpose, not just reacting to what life throws at us.

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Further Reading:

1. "The Obstacle Is the Way" by Ryan Holiday – A deep dive into Stoic philosophy and how to turn obstacles into opportunities for growth and resilience.

2. "Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth – Explores how perseverance and passion can help us overcome challenges and build a resilient life.

3. "Man’s Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl – Frankl’s reflections on his experiences in a concentration camp, and how finding meaning in suffering is essential for resilience.

4. "Resilience: Hard-Won Wisdom for Living a Better Life" by Eric Greitens – A book that explores the mental and emotional skills required to face life’s hardships with strength and courage.

5. “The Courage to Be Disliked” by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga – A philosophical exploration of how we can break free from the past and build a life of freedom and resilience.

6. "The Power of Choice" by Mark Manson – An exploration of how the ability to choose how we respond to life’s challenges shapes our destiny and resilience.